The Wrath of Dawn
Hey, Mr. Trampoline Man
Way back in February, I wrote about my neighbours, including the Flying Walenskis, my neighbours to the south, owners of the one and only trampoline in the neighbourhood. Said trampoline occupies the same spot in their back garden as the previous neighbours evil, loud fountain. A spot that sits about five feet, if that, from my bedroom window. I have a theory that this spot is a portal to Hell. A Deprive-Dawn-of-Sleep-Hell.
Usually, I am treated to the shrieks of trampolining children during normal hours when one would expect to hear such things. Annoying, but hardly reason for complaint. The little dears have to shriek somewhere. The fact that the parents encourage them to do it whilst and at the same time risking serious personal injury from both the trampoline and the neighbours is not for me to comment upon. Any further.
However... Wednesday night of this week, or more accurately, Thursday morning, I was treated to being awoken by the shrieks of young teenagers on the trampoline. At one o'clock in the morning. One. O'Clock. In. The. Morning. Ever try to get back to sleep after about two hours' sleep? On a hot summer night? Can't be done, I tell ya.
Portal to Hell. Right here in Fog City.
Posted by WrathofDawn at 11:37 p.m.
17 Comments:
I recomend a bucket of superglue on the damn thing.
Won't be flying then, will they?
Come over to the Shire.
It's very quiet.
And there's a big wine cellar.
Mr. Fab - It would if it were my portal.
TC - I was fantasizing about a large, very sharp knife applied very carefully to the trampoline at 3:00 a.m. Even the Walenskies have to sleep some time... but glue could be good. And much faster.
The Shire sounds divine. Chill the wine. I'll be there at nine.
I think we can reasonably deduce your portal-to-hell is the cheap Walmart version without time travel capabilities...I'd say its connected directly to the back yard of this delightful chappy...and would squirrel poo work as an untraceable deterrent to nocturnal bouncing?.
Hand grenades are the answer. Just throw 'em out the window and go back to sleep!
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I've always found a supply of water balloons to be handy...just think of the practice you'll get tossing the projectiles at the bouncing waifs...pure satisfaction when one finds its mark....
Squirrel poo and hand grenades and water balloons. Oh my!
If I thought I could get away with it.
Not a lot of squirrles in this neighbourhood. But I have a Beagle who provides an un-ending supply of possible projectiles...
Or squirrels, either.
Oops! Sorry. That's where I empty my chamber pot. Didn't they tell you?...
Once again, an army ambulance, camouflage net, sniper rifle and bad attitude can help to scare away those that emerge from portals of hell. No home should be without them.
Plz to have a go on trampoline. Send video. Plz.
I suggest a well-placed garden sprinkler to soak the offending teens.
Or whatever I suggested before when you had that parking issue.
That is all.
P.S. Cool new banner. A sheep in a flying toaster. Mos' excellent.
TRT - We've had flush toilets for months, now. Where do you think we are? A desolate island in the north Atlantic?
Misty - I like the way you think. (Makes appointment to get Mazda converted.)
Mr. Duck - There will be no trampline videos. Shame on you. Bad, bad Mr. Duck.
R'pus - That 'could' just work. But only once.
The sharp thingies that flatten tires? Hmmm. I don't think they'd be high enough.
And that's not a toaster. Don't let be silly. But thanks. It's a work in progress. One day, it hopes to grow up to be a real banner.
And that's a yak...
If I didn`t suspect you to be an individual of some morals, I would suggest some form of sabotage...
Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
I'm so sleepy and there ain't no place I'm going to
Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
In the darkness of the morning I'll come screamin' at you.
Edges of the trampoline I'm so tempted to snip
So those noisy kids will slip
As they try so hard to flip
My knife I'll start to prep
Would murdering them be such a mortal sin?
I see them turning in the air
Perhaps I'll grab a spade
Ready to dig their graves
Wish they'd slip beneath the waves
Of the other neighbour's swimming pool...
Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
I'm so sleepy and there ain't no place I'm going to
Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
In the darkness of the morning I'll come screamin' at you
Though you might hear laughin'
Spinnin', kids just having fun,
The noise has got me on the run
Want to go and grab my gun
Those kids have made my pulse start racin'
And if you hear vague traces of silliness in my rhyme
It's mostly 'cause I can't keep time
With no sleep to call just mine
Don't pay it any mind
It's just a shadow of my intellect you're facin'
Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
I'm so sleepy and there ain't no place I'm going to
Hey! Mr. Trampoline Man
Shriek real loud for me
In the darkness of the morning I'll come yellin' at you
--------
Okay, it's a poor version, but I don't have the Dylan version with me (just the shortened Byrds version) and this is my 13th hour of work today. So I'm just a little out of it...
Shining Love Pig - First of all, I love that translation of your name. How cool! And yes, I am a person of some morals. Not much, but some. Luckily for me they stop me just short of actually harming the neighbours.
Kat - We gotta get you a new job, kid! But excellent parody!
Mystic Mog - Ta, pet and welcome! Um... swallows? Amazons? Peggy? I'm confused, but bless. Come back soon.
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